The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
