i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
