I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
