dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
