Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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