I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
