Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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