he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
