You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
