Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
