question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
