if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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