Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
