You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
