It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
