I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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