he wants to bone in the snuggie
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
