Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
