Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
