New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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