i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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