I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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