there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
