I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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