Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
