I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
