He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
