I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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