honey bunches of taint.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
