So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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