She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
