More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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