Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
