Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
