Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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