somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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