at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
