whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
