I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're too hungover to prance.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
