Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
