grandma shit on top of the toilet
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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