Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
