I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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