We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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