am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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