dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
