I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
