That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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