Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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