In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
