if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
