when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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