pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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