Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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