Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
