I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't deserve a penis
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
