I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
